Merlina’s Inner Sanctum

I distinctly remember being a person who loved shopping. 6 hour shopping marathons were quite a regular occurance in my younger life. I have no idea what happened to that person…

Last week, I decided that I needed a pair of black winter boots and a pair of long sweatpants for dance class. I had heard from a classmate that there was a store downtown that sold one pair of non-sweatshop-made local leather boots with a sheep wool lining. That was on Wednesday. What followed was a three-day internal debate whether I really needed a new pair of boots and especially whether I could convince myself to wear a dead animal around my feet. However, another classmate had recently pointed out that wearing fake leather boots (meaning plastic/PVC) wasn’t really any more sustainable. That made sense to me and I had already looked through all 3 second hand shops here, so on Saturday I finally gave in and attempted to purchase the boots. (Ironically the ones I chose had some problem, that they needed to fix before they can sell them to me…maybe that was a sign). I am still not totally comfortable with giving in and wearing leather, but I guess it does make more sense than plastic…

I then went on to try to buy said pair of sweatpants - none to be found at a second-hand store, so I gave in and went to H&M. Not only is it the worst idea to go to H&M in a small swedish city on a Saturday afternoon when the entire city is there to shop for the newest style so they can look exactly like out of the catalogue, but at this point it seems like a bad idea to go shopping at any big retailer for me. So I walk in and a) get overwhelmed by the amount offered for purchase. there is simply too much. I either end up buying nothing at all or way too much. b) i immediately visualize sweatshops, environmental degradation because of overuse of resources to produce all the cheap crap that we really NEED (or so the advertisement suggests and I have to say sometimes they are compelling) and the landfills of stuff after use. Not a very compelling picture to start a shopping trip. I want to turn around and run out of the store. But I am stuck, because I do need sweatpants. So I dart for the sport section, pick one pair, run to the dressing room so I dont have to look at any other products or the perfect looking consumers that seem to suggest to me that I should look as perfect as they do. I decide to get the one pair I tried on (from Bangladesh - does that scream sweatshop?) and am excited that I can get out of the store asap.

I guess it’s not really a surprise I dont enjoy shopping anymore. Having a conscience is a pain, trying to live according to it even more so. Maybe one day when green, sweatshop-free products will be readily available, shopping will cease to be associated with headaches and three-day debates for me…and just feel fun and good (of course only practiced in moderation because of price and in order not to over-consume)

Until then, maybe burlapp sacks will do :)

PS: Friday is Buy-Nothing Day. Check out adbuster for more info

…and yet necessary sometimes. So after all these years I have decided to split from my man RW. No, the world has not come to an end, I just might have grown up a little. Not that I dont still think he is hot, sexy, handsome and makes amazing music, but the commercialization is really starting to bother me. It seems like they are trying to squeeze every penny out of his marketability (is that a word?). Ringtones, not just posters but framed pictures, you now have to pay to be fanclub member, a CD/DVD for every christmas season…the list goes on and on. And not that I bought into all of these things, but the fact that they exist bothers me. I can visualize his managers talking about how to make another penny out of stupid teenagers (and mid-tweens) You might laugh. Yes, I could have seen this earlier, but love makes blind. But now that I have opened my eyes, I will do what every strong woman would do…follow my own values and walk away. So goodbye, my love.

Ok, so maybe the fact that I just wrote an entire blog entry about this, proves that I have not really grown up :) I hope you didnt take it too seriously anyway.

…I actually quite enjoy it. Who would have thought. At least at the moment, I still find it exciting to realize that it is pitchdark outside, but my day isn’t over yet. It might feel like night at 4 pm, but I still have more than 6 hours to accomplish things in the day. The darkness brings a sort of peace and quiet to life, that I am really enjoying right now. Everyone scales down the pace a bit and hides in their rooms with hot tea and candles. It feels like it will be Christmas tomorrow…

That said, ask me again, in a few weeks and we will see how excited I still am about darkness :)